Post-breakup — in any relationship, we find ourselves sitting in the corner of our world, devastated, hurt, and crying our minds out.
The reason for that repeated emotional outburst or, in other words, melt-downs is not per se questioning the love we have/had for the person. But we are evaluating our vulnerability in the presence of that person.
The most important thing that we often fail to acknowledge is that love never dies, neither does it vanishes out of the blue.
Love is an emotion that “if it is true,” embraces every nitty-gritty of and around the relationship we have with the person.
If we truly loved the person, even after 20 years, our feelings for the person will not cease, ideally. Whether we run into each other on the street or come across old pictures, we still will love that person.
However, often we feel the rush of anxiety that somehow overshadows the actual “love.”
What goes wrong in a relationship is a complicated task to address.
Two individuals are having independent experiences resulting in different interpretations of an outcome.
Therefore, what generates agitation, hatred, hurt, grief, and the need to feel loved and wanted — is all about us.
It is questioning ourselves for being so vulnerable and blind to the person; we feel being taken advantage of and naked.
We fail to forgive ourselves for not being able to foresee specific incidences that might have been obvious otherwise, or maybe ignoring the signs of incompatibility early on and not acting accordingly.
An average human tendency is to blame the other person for whatever happens — from the beginning of falling apart to post-breakup.
However, we do not realize that people treat us the way we portray to them how to do so.
People on the receiving end of ours may not know what’s bothering us until we speak up or create boundaries at the right time.
Hence, it is not the other person’s fault alone for a relationship to not go the right way. It is equally our responsibility for the failure.
The feeling of vulnerability often accompanies by blame, shame, and guilt.
We end up acting out-of-control in circumstances that will remind us of our past, and we face melt-downs.
So, how to get rid of the cloudiness and walk out of the door like a champion?
Ask yourself the question — what exactly is hurting you and making you sad?
Is it the aspect of not being enough for the relationship?
Is it the feeling of shame that we did not listen to ourselves?
Is the feeling of loneliness and restlessness coming from the fact that we failed to be there for ourselves in the situation of discomfort?
Our emotions towards others often define our feelings for ourselves. We leave ourselves alone to please the person in front of us.
What results next is a shattered self, when things become black-n-white in front of us, eventually.
Love is a beautiful form of emotion. It makes us feel wonderful, admired, and desired. We feel high, and we feel valued for being alive.
Hence, it is worth embracing every aspect of “Love” for us and within us. Eventually, we control how and when we share our vulnerabilities safely and protectively. Which limits our dependency on others to make us happy or even feel worthy.
So, forgive yourself for the moments where you did not meet your expectations.
Forgive yourself for being too gullible and naive to trust someone whole-heartedly. We are not alone in this journey.
Forgive yourself for putting yourself repeatedly in situations that are not favorable to your definition of happiness and love.